Boko Haram paid us N5,000 each to burn schools – Kid suspects

Some kid suspects released by military authorities in Maiduguri on Friday said the Boko Haram sect paid them N5,000 each to burn primary schools and spy on soldiers.

They were among 23 women and 35 children released to the governors of Borno and Yobe states by the Commander, 21 Armoured Brigade, Maiduguri, Brig-Gen. R.O Bamigboye, on behalf of the Chief of Defence Staff, Admiral Sa’ad Ibrahim.

The children, whose ages range between nine and 15 years, said they were given kegs of petrol by Boko Haram leaders and sent to burn schools in both states.

Borno State Governor, Kashim Shettima, government officials and journalists listened in bewilderment as the children narrated how they were used by the extremist sect to burn schools and spy on soldiers.

One of them said they were taken to the Yobe State capital, Damaturu, and told to spy on soldiers attached to the Joint Task Force and report back to the Boko Haram commanders.

He said, “We were taken to Damaturu. We watched out for the soldiers at their unit and reported back to them. We were reporting either when soldiers were at ease or enjoying themselves and when they were off guard and we were paid for doing that.”

Another child suspect said, “I usually helped Boko Haram to leak information on military activities so that they could attack them (soldiers). My last job was to travel from Maiduguri to Gashua to spy on soldiers before I was caught.”

Yet another said, “We usually help Boko Haram to carry stolen items each time and sometimes help them to give information about people they want to attack and sometimes even help to hide their guns after attacks. They pay us N5000 after every operation. I regret what I did, I want to go home and ask for forgiveness from my father and mother for what I did; I also want to go to school.”

One of the boys said he was arrested last year after he was overheard talking about the people who burnt a school in Maiduguri and failed to inform the military.

“I was arrested because I know those who burnt the school without telling the soldiers. Some people heard me discussing about the people who burnt the school and reported me to the soldiers who arrested me,” he said.

One of the teenagers said they were paid N5,000 and provided with fuel in kegs to set schools ablaze in Maiduguri.

The release of the suspects was done in line with the Federal Government’s amnesty deal.

In Borno State, 20 detainees, comprising six women and 14 children arrested between 2012 and 2013 were set free and handed over to Shettima for rehabilitation and reintegration.

The 20 detainees were mostly arrested in Maiduguri, Bama in Borno and Damaturu in Yobe State.

Bamigboye, who supervised the handing over, said he was acting on behalf of the Chief of Defence Staff, Admiral Sa’ad Ibrahim.

This, he said, was in line with the directive of President Goodluck Jonathan to the army.

He explained that the detainees were arrested in connection with the roles they played in the insurgency.

The six freed women were Hajia Zainab Mohammed, 40; Hajia Karagama Mohammed, 55; Hajia Zari Mohammed, 40; Aishatu Mohammed Aji, 62; Hadiza Ahmad, 40; and Yakaka Goni Habib, 16.

The 14 children released were Abba Modu Aji,10; Mohammed Musa, 12; Ibrahim Mohammed, 15; Umar Bukar, 15; Mustapha Umaru, 14; Bashir Ali, 12; Musa Grema, 13; Abba Mohammed, 14; Baba Alhaji, 13; AbdulAziz Umar, 14; Ari Masa’a, 14; Bayi Mustapha, 14; Mohammed Ibrahim, 14 and Alhaji Goni, 14.

Impeachment: Eight pro-Amaechi lawmakers defect to Wike’s camp

CLANDESTINE moves to impeach Rivers State Governor, Mr. Rotimi Amaechi, heightened on Wednesday as eight members of the House of Assembly were said to have shifted loyalty to the camp of the Minister of State for Education, Mr. Nyesom Wike.
Though the names of the lawmakers were not mentioned, the number of anti-Amaechi state legislators has suddenly swollen to 13 out of 32.
Five members of the House had, from the outset, taken a position against the governor since the beginning of the crisis which is threatening the existence of the Peoples Democratic Party in the state.
But the Speaker of the House, Mr. Otelemaba Amachree, said the number of members of the House, who had been swayed against the governor, was not enough to impeach the governor.
Amachree, who spoke with The PUNCH through his Media Assistant, Mr. Jim Okpiki, stated that with 19 lawmakers on the side of the governor, it would be difficult to remove (Amaechi).
He said, “We are aware that between five and eight lawmakers have compromised and are making moves to impeach the governor. But they don’t have enough number to impeach the state governor.
“They have to impeach the Speaker first before thinking of removing the governor because he (Speaker) will not betray the governor. Mr. Speaker is never a traitor and he (Amachree) has not seen any reason why he should give up on Amaechi.
“Apart from that, the lawmakers that have compromised would have to tell the world the governor’s offence, because as far as we are concerned, Governor Amaechi has not committed any impeachable offence.”
The Speaker challenged the compromised lawmakers to come out in the open and explain to Rivers people why they had decided to betray the governor.
It was, however, learnt that the eight lawmakers, who were swayed to Wike’s camp during a meeting held outside the state, decided to hide their intention in order not to jeopardise the plan to unseat the governor.
Amaechi had, during an interaction with some youths in the state, declared that he was not afraid of being impeached, saying he had done his best for the development of the state.
He urged the people to use their voter cards to remove “irresponsible governments” from public office in 2015.
It will be recalled that the House of Assembly had adjourned sine die (indefinitely) after suspending the Chairman of Obio/Akpor Local Government Area, Mr. Timothy Nsirim, even as a caretaker committee was sworn in to oversee the affairs of the council.
The development had deepened the political crisis in the state, with security operatives from the state Police Command sealing off the council secretariat about a month ago.

Obasanjo Endorses Lamido for 2015

Apparently referring to the current  high-wire politics and horse-trading ahead of 2015, former president Olusegun Obasanjo has declared that Jigawa State governor  Sule Lamido has  exhibited good governance abilities, and has the capacity  and competence to rule Nigeria.
The ex-president also described Jigawa as one of the most investor-friendly states in the country.
Obasanjo made the remarks in Dutse, the Jigawa State capital, yesterday while delivering his keynote address at the opening ceremony of a three-day Jigawa State Economic Summit.
He said, “You know you can help somebody to get a job but you cannot help him to do it.  If somebody cannot do the job, we have Sule Lamido who is competent to do the job.
“Some people are saying one person can’t make changes. This is rubbish; if you have a competent person who knows where he is going to, he can make changes along with his team that would impact the lives of people as we have seen it in Jigawa State.”
According to Obasanjo, good governance is key for any practical and factual economic development plan because “the government is not expected to invest directly but to provide enabling environment for private investors to implement the plan”.
“The way Governor Lamido revitalised the Jigawa state education sector, made adequate provision of good roads network, infrastructures, social security, free trade  has now made the state be a haven for investors, and, to the best of my knowledge, today there is no state
in Nigeria which investors’ confidence on can be greater than Jigawa State,” said Obasanjo who ruled the country from 1999 to 2007. “I am optimistic that this summit would help in mapping out a long-term economic plan that could lead to the successful economic development which can be translated into increase of employment, wealth creation, poverty reduction and improve the well-being of the people of the state and Nigeria.”
Obasanjo added that there is need to change Nigeria from the land of opportunity to the land of actuality by giving emphasis to education, infrastructure, social security and human development.
The former president however revealed that  he was the one that imposed Governor Lamido on the people of Jigawa State and that he was happy that he did not disappoint him.
In his welcome address, Governor Lamido said they organised the summit with a view to opening the state’s window to the whole world to come and invest in Jigawa State.
He said his government was ever ready to give all necessary support and cooperation to any investor who wanted to invest in Jigawa State, and the state is also ready to work with any collaborator who wants assist Jigawa to attain better life.
According to the governor, the aim of organising the summit was to chart a plan for developing Jigawa State economically to tally with that of Asian Tigers like Japan and Singapore, not in terms of big buildings but for the state’s people to attain standard human life.
Some of the prominent personalities at the economic summit included  business mogul Alhaji Aliko Dangote, Alhaji Salisu Sambajo, Mr Mohammed Abacha, former minister of commerce  Senator Bello Maitama Yusif, former minister of power and mineral resources Alhaji Bashir Dalhatu, former minister of Federal Capital Territory Aliyu Modibbo,  and Emir of Hadejia  Adamu Abubakar Maje.
Other personalities included former minister of commerce Mustapha Bello,  Emir of Ringim Sayyadi Mahmu, Emir of Kazaura  Alhaji Najib Adamu, governor of Zandara in Niger Republic, British high commissioner to Nigeria  Mr Andrew Poka, Akyem of Wembley and Duke of Edinburg Mr Lord Boateng  who chaired the summit.

Obasanjo holds closed-door meeting with Kwankwaso
In a related development,  Obasanjo yesterday held a close door meeting with Kano State Governor Rabiu Kwankwaso at the Government House in Kano. The former president arrived at the Government House at about 4pm in a black SUV vehicle belonging to Jigawa State governor.
He was received by the PDP supporters who gatherd at the Government House to witness the second year anniversary of the Kwankwaso administration. Obasanjo alongside Kw

Bus Preacher Beaten To Coma In Lagos After Condoms Fell Out From Bible

Mayhem broke out at Toyota Bus stop, in front of the popular Ladipo Spare parts market, this morning, when a Bus Preacher was dragged out of a bus and beaten to a coma after Condoms allegedly fell out of his bible as he preached the ‘Word of God’.The Pastor had embarked on his journey at Apapa and proceeded to preach to the people on thebus, using very strong words like “If you wear trouser you’ll go to hell! The Devil invented Make up! Weave on is from Marine Kingdom! If you have pre-marital s*x you will burn in hell and your skin will peel!”

The people in the bus were so moved; some started falling under the anointing. Our eye witness, Mr. John Mbakogu, who was on his way to his shop at Ladipo told us:
“People were just falling as he was layinghands. One man even fell out of the bus under the influence of the Spirit. It was amazing – until he raised his hands to cast demons out of one girl, and 2 Durex condoms fell out”

The angry men on the bus who had been having pangs of guilt due to the pastor’s preaching about s*x suddenly got really angry and pounced on the pastor, who allof a sudden started shouting “I also preach safe s*x! Safe s*x is good!”
Too late.
Policemen had to be called to the scene to save the pastors life. So far 2 arrests have been made, and the Condoms have been kept as evidence

AKWA IBOM 2015: ONE AGAINST THE CROWD -culled from The SUN

Our investigation reveals that Senator Effiong Bob, from the same local government area as the SSG, may soon join the race for AKWA IBOM 2015. Bob is believed to have been stopped from returning to the Senate for the third time in 2011 because of the “activities of the SSG”. Another possible candidate from Uyo Senatorial District, we learnt, is the Commissioner of Finance, Bassey Albert Akpan.
Said to be a nominee of Umanah into Akpabio’s cabinet, Akpan has of recent, been having a running battle with Umanah over the race. Akpan is said to be well grounded among the youths through the patronage and empowerment he has been doling out to them as Chairman of the State Inter-ministerial Direct Labour Co-ordinating Committee.
Though he hasn’t yet declared his intention in the race, sources say he may eventually do. If he doesn’t, the same sources say, he will ‘put all his machinery-material and financial- on an Eket Candidate and become the Deputy or SSG thereafter, if they succeed.’ Nobody from Ikot Ekpene Senatorial District is in the race at the moment. Sources say the project to install the SSG as Governor is getting desperate. Opposition to the scheme is said to have divided the State Executive Council into two camps.
Opposition EXCO members, are said to have been tactically grounded in the performance of their duties. Sources say moves by the SSG to remove some opposition Exco members through a cabinet reshuffle have been consistently rebuffed by the Governor. Source further add that the reshuffle has become a subject of town gossip and that when an Exco meeting is called, people always expect the outcome to be its dissolution. Many believe that if the Exco is dissolved, only loyalists of the SSG will be returned.
The resignation, last year, of the former Deputy Governor, Nsima Ekere, was seen by many as a warning to those who want to contest the Governorship to be wary. Ekere is said to have built political structures and openly declared intent to contest the elections. Marked for impeachment, Ekere narrowly escaped by resigning and many believe, he will still join the race later.
Those in the race from Eket Senatorial District are: Senator Helen Esuene: the urbane former first lady of the defunct South Eastern State (present Akwa Ibom and Cross River State) and former Minister in Obasanjos’ administration is said to have consulted people over her ambition. Many believe that gender and her upper class distinction may stand in her way to clinching the ticket.
She is however, loved for her humility, straight forwardness and business acumen. She is also said to be from Uyo by birth but married to an Eket man, the late Brigadier General U.J. Esuene. Dr. Sam Udonsak: The Port Harcourt based University of Ibadan graduate of Medicine is a veteran governorship aspirant having contested in the 2003, 2007 and 2011 race.
Though a fine gentleman, many feel he is disconnected from the people and too elitist for a position that needs political maneuvering and negotiations with grassroot political leaders. Patrick Ekpotu: Though he hasn’t declared his intent in the race and ‘may not’, according to close sources, he is under extreme pressure to join the race. The Engineer, first term Deputy Governor to Governor Akpabio, is well loved as a principled, highly cerebral, focused and humane leader.
His undoing may be the fact that he is not a politician but what people call a political activist, having come from student activism background. The first non-indigenous Student Union President of the Rivers State University of Science and Technology and a former Commissioner, will, however change the tide of the race if he eventually declares.
Okpolupm Ette: At 43, the youngest of the contestants from Eket Senatorial District, the graduate of the Federal Polytechnic, Oko is the longest serving member and leader of the State House of Assembly. From the popular Etteh family of Ibeno, the base of Mobil Producing Nigeria, Etteh whose elder siblings include Nigeria’s first Professor of Physics, Prof. Akpanuluo Etteh; E. I. I.
Etteh of foremost Civil Engineering Consultancy, Etteh Aro and Partners, believed to be the ex-husband of former House of Representative Speaker Patricia Etteh and Esoetuk Etteh, former Executive Director, Projects of the Niger Delta Development Commission, NDDC, is believed to be the rallying point of the younger generation and grassroot politicians in the race.
Many believe the former FedPoly, Oko National Association of Akwa Ibom State Students (NAAKISS) President, is the only grassroot contestant among the Eket possibles. Said to be very outspoken, principled and straight forward, the grassroot mobilizer, once an Akpabio ally is said to be a bit distanced from the Governor at the moment because of his interest in the race and his perceived role in stopping the impeachment of former Deputy Governor Nsima Ekere.
Asuquo Okpo: By far the most visible of the contestants from Oron, Okpo is not well known within the State. Other than the fact that he is from Oron, not much is known about the aspirant as a party man or public figure. The anchoring of his aspiration on the ‘tripod’ theory of zoning the Governorship to the Orons may work against rather than sway sympathy for him. Nsima Ekere: Ekere, who resigned from office as Deputy Governor last year to avert impeachment, is said to be oiling his ‘gun’ for the race.
A former close ally of the Governor as Chairman of the State Investment Commission and Ibom Power Company before being appointed Deputy Governor, the Estate Surveyor, went out of favour with the Governor over what many believe was his declaration to contest the Governorship race. Ekere, with a huge financial war chest, may be another rallying point for Eket people if he finally joins the race.
Senator Udoma Udo Udoma: The two-time Senator and renown Lawyer is said to be well-connected at the Presidency and may eventually join the race. What may eventually work against him is his seeming disconnection from the people. Many believe he is too elitist and ‘foreign’ for the politics of a complex state like Akwa Ibom.
Son of the late renowned jurist and one of the founders of the state, Justice Egbert Udo Udoma, Udoma is known to have printed materials for the 2007 Election but bowed out in deference to the zoning policy of the party at that time. Effiong Abia: Current Commissioner for Local Government is said to be a close ally of the Governor and once declared interest in the race.
Sources say the lawyer stopped campaigning for the office of Governor to save his job. Cool, humble and simple, Abia’s undoing may be his commitment to the alleged plan of the Governor to support Umanah and then pick the Deputy Governorship if it sails through.
Prof. Richard King: said to be a close ally of President Jonathan. King serves on a presidential committee on the NDDC. From Eket, King is said to be using his closeness to the President as a campaign tool, a tool many believe, may not work for him in a State like Akwa Ibom. Senator Eme Okon Ekaette, Chief Assam Assam, SAN, Nigeria’s Ambassador to Russia and Prof Ita Ewa Minister for Science and Technology are said to have also declare interest in the race.

Can A Fling Become the Real Thing? -Marie Claire

On the eve of my 35th birthday, I decided it was time to take a proper, adult vacation. Alone. I'd traveled abroad with friends in the past, but I'd always deferred to their itineraries and skimped when it came to fancy four-star resorts and indulgent spa treatments. I wanted to get away by myself and in style. So I cashed in several thousand frequent-flier miles, used some savings, and booked a two-week trip to Greece.
During the weeks leading up to my departure, I read travel websites and dog-eared guidebooks. I planned to fill my mornings with empowering activities, like sunrise meditation and poolside Pilates, and reserve my evenings for good books and plates of tahini. I was eager to escape, to splurge, to follow my own agenda. And for the first 48 hours in Greece, I honored my plan.
Then I met Alex.
Alex was an impossibly handsome Serbian man, hired by my hotel in Santorini to teach me how to operate a scooter I'd rented. Before he handed over the keys, he asked if I wanted to meet him that evening for a drink. Immediately after I said yes, I went back to my suite and sent an e-mail to my friends with the subject line: "Guess who has a date!"
"I know I said I needed some time alone, but forget that," I wrote. "He's hot, and I'm bored! So I'm either going to have an amazing night or end up on the next episode of Dateline: Missing Abroad. I'm willing to risk it."
I didn't actually believe my date with Alex would result in the filing of a missing-persons report, but I was somewhat nervous about having a foreign fling. Fooling around with a mysterious man in an exotic location sounded as intimidating as speaking Greek. Yet compared with the "kid- and senior-friendly" sunset hike I'd scheduled, meeting Alex for a drink was no contest.
That night, Alex and I stayed out until 4 a.m., sipping gin and tonics on the roof of a crumbling building overlooking the Mediterranean. We met for dinner the following evening. And the evening after that. On the fourth night, I invited him to stay with me, and the next morning I threw my guidebooks in the trash, promptly canceling all of my solo activities.
We spent the rest of my vacation together, sunbathing and sightseeing, drinking and dancing, aimlessly strolling for hours, holding hands and taking pictures of each other on the sun-bleached streets. Some days we went on adventures — him maneuvering our scooter along the rocky cliffs, me resting my chin on one of his tanned shoulders and looking out at the ocean. We talked. We made out. And then we talked some more. I shared emotional details about my childhood in Pittsburgh and my life in New York. He bought me silly souvenirs, rolled my cigarettes, and taught me how to swear in Serbian. One night, over a plate of grilled octopus, he confided that he was legally married to an American woman but officially separated from his wife of eight years. It was a surprising fact but one that, given our connection, made me more sympathetic than suspicious. "We grew apart," he said. "I've been ready to meet someone else for a while now." The way he spoke, it was clear that someone was me.
On my last day in Greece, Alex and I tearfully promised to keep in touch and clung to each other until the captain of my boat threatened to leave. Saying good-bye was sad — but it was strangely satisfying to participate in such a dramatic "nothing can keep us apart" sort of scene. Our casual affair had started to resemble the plot of a Hollywood romance — one where Alex and I were the stars and my departure was the start of Act 3: the turning point where the lovers face an obstacle (another time zone, an ex-wife) and the audience (my friends, family, and me to some extent) wonders if it will all work out.
Two weeks later, Alex announced he was purchasing an open-ended ticket to New York. He'd said how much he missed me, but the suggestion that he essentially move in with me was a bombshell. I began reciting reasons (visa complications with his green card, the fact that he didn't know my middle name) why an indefinite stay didn't seem wise. Couples rarely shift from sipping on cocktails in the afternoon to exploring the complexities of sharing a bathroom or splitting the cable bill. Yet I wasn't ready to restrict our relationship to my photo album. Our romance had been so unexpected; maybe we'd have luck in the real world. After much discussion, I agreed to the plan.
We had a passionate reunion for a week, but soon — without alcohol and sunshine — the initial thrill began to fade. Once we were confined to my small apartment, navigating the thorns of daily life, our relationship became prematurely serious and painfully pedestrian. Alex sat on my couch each day and waited for me to finish working on my writing assignments. I felt trapped in the role of tour guide and organizer. I didn't mind finding hairs on my soap or men's underwear in my hamper, but we avoided discussing his scant finances and marriage.
Within a month, I'd gone from having an unforeseen fling to living with a virtual stranger. Oddly, it reminded me of the vacations my family used to take — how at the beach I'd pay to have my hair braided Bo Derek — style. It was a look I could pull off on the sand, but once back home, waiting for my school bus in the snowy Pittsburgh winter, the braids looked absurd. I was starting to suspect that bringing Alex home was the starry-eyed equivalent of wearing cornrows in January.
I was feeling antsy one morning, listening to Bob Dylan's "Don't Think Twice, It's All Right," debating how to resolve the sudden shift in our relationship, when clarity arrived in an unexpected form. Over the sound of my coffeemaker, I overheard Alex's video Skype call with his ex-wife.
"Where are you right now?" she demanded, soon hitting him with another question. "You're living with a woman!" He didn't respond, but she continued. "You can't be alone at all, can you?"
He was silent as she accused him of abandoning her and escaping his responsibilities. The picture she painted was of a confused, cowardly man who always took the easy way out.
"Sorry you heard that," he said when he found me wide-eyed on the couch.
"Me, too," I said, avoiding eye contact. "Because I agree with her."
I'd wanted to believe that Alex had truly fallen for me. But that day, I couldn't deny the truth: We'd gotten together because I'd hated being alone in Greece; we'd stayed together because he couldn't be alone in life.
We sat in painful silence for a few minutes. Then, finally, he said, "Maybe I should go." I nodded yes. I was crying and hugging him — the same as when we'd parted ways just weeks before — only this time, he was the one leaving, and it was a little bit easier to say good-bye.

Read more: Can a Vacation Fling Last? - Can a Vacation Romance Be Long-Term - Marie Claire
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5 Ways You Are Sabotaging Your Relationship

1. BODY INSECURITIES

You know you have this problem if...
You cringe and cover up when your partner sees you naked.
Compliments make you nervous and defensive.
Thinking about his positive attributes makes you wonder what he's doing with you.

Why is it a problem?
When we are ashamed of our bodies, we "withdraw sexually" and have trouble "being playful and free," says relationship expert Dr. Alice Pisciotto. Many people resort to substances to deal with their insecurities (for example, drinking in order to have sex), which can ruin a sense of closeness.

How to fix it:
The first step is awareness: realizing, for example, that when he says, "you look beautiful in that dress" and you hear, "go to the gym," it's not because he's being sarcastic, but because you feel ashamed of your body. The second step is to learn to talk about it in an open, honest way. Explain your insecurities to him, why you think you have them, and how they make you feel. Then, pledge to yourself to throw the symptoms of insecurity out the window. Once you stop calling yourself fat, for example, you may stop feeling so fat.

2. BAD TIMING

You know you have this problem if... You bring up sore points — issues you argue about often or recently — at romantic dinners, family functions, or company events. Or, worse yet, you bombard him with accusations the second you're alone.

Why is it a problem?
"This really drives guys crazy," says Pisciotto. Everyone knows that communication is important to a good relationship, but knowing when and where to communicate can be just as important. Bringing up a problem at an inappropriate time or place will almost never solve it, and will become a problem in its own right. And he'll be reluctant to bring you along to his cousin's wedding if he's worried you'll be shooting him dirty looks all night.

How to fix it:
If you want to talk about a problem, give some forewarning, says Pisciotto. "X is really bothering me. Can we talk about it tonight?" Have a safe, private place where you can talk without feeling uncomfortable. And if you really want to resolve the issues, make sure you are talking in person and never by text message or e-mail.

3. SNAPPING

You know you have this problem if...
Your partner complains you're always blowing up at him — whether he forgot to pick up the dry-cleaning or threw out the manuscript for the novel you've secretly been working on.

Why is it a problem?
You may be using these explosions as a substitute for intimacy, says Pisciotto. "If you say, 'I love you,' who knows how he's going to react?" You may get a grunt, you may get a kiss, you may get some bad news. "But if you scream at him, you know he's going to scream back." Excessive anger may be a sign that you're insecure about his feelings for you. Snapping at him allows you to control his behavior because his response — anger — is predictable. But if he feels like he's always about to step on a land mine, you may be doing the very opposite: driving him away.

How to fix it:
"This is really an issue of self-awareness," says Pisciotto. The next time you feel mad at him, ask yourself if your anger is proportionate to the offense. If not, think about why you feel so furious: Are you mad about something else that you haven't talked about sufficiently? Does his anger reassure you of his feelings (i.e., "if he's screaming at the top of his lungs, he must be passionate about me")? Are you insecure about his feelings because of something he has done, or because of something unrelated that happened to you in the past? Instead of blowing up at him, try to calmly and insightfully tell him why you are feeling so enraged. Use "I" sentences instead of "you" sentences: "I felt angry when you didn't call, because it made me feel like you don't care about me," rather than, "You didn't call me! You don't care about me!"

4. KEEPING SCORE

You know you have this problem if...
You're keeping a tally of the gives and the takes.
You say things like, "Yes, we hung out with my friends tonight but I hung out with his friends for the last five days."

Why is it a problem?
"Keeping score is usually a sign you don't feel understood, that you don't feel heard," explains Pisciotto. You feel that your partner doesn't realize or appreciate the contributions and sacrifices you make for the relationship. "This becomes the 'yes, but' of the relationship," says Dr. Pisciotto. "Yes, you took me out to dinner tonight, but I paid the last six nights. Yes, you initiated sex tonight, but I always initiate. Yes, you care about me, but I care about you more."

How to fix it:
When you catch yourself thinking or saying, "Yes, but..." step back and ask yourself why. Is this an isolated incident: Are you really the one who always does the dishes, and you just want him to help out more with household chores? Or is it part of a bigger problem: Do you feel like you always make more sacrifices for the relationship, and the dishes are just one example of many? Keeping score provides you with ammo to win the argument "Who's the better partner." It's childish behavior that you should do your best to minimize. Be hypervigilant when your thoughts slip into the "Yes, but..." pattern. Remind yourself that although you may give more in this particular area — you always pay for dinner out — he may give more in another, like always buying the groceries.

5. LETTING THE PAST DICTATE THE PRESENT

You know you have this problem if...
You blame your current boyfriend for problems you had in your last relationship: Your ex had an affair with his personal trainer, so you tell your new boyfriend you like the "chubby look" to keep him out of the gym.

Why is it a problem?
It's a basic truth of psychology that "we often repeat problems in order to solve them," says Pisciotto. For example, when you're suspicious that your new boyfriend is going to cheat on you, like your ex did, your subconscious is trying to come to terms with the old problem. The effect will hardly be productive: You're likely to create some new relationship issues with your current boyfriend without solving the issues from your past.

How to fix it:
Take a moment to ask yourself: Are there any issues or arguments you had with a former boyfriend that still bother you? If so, write them down and be on the lookout. The next time you're angry with your current boyfriend for something similar, ask yourself whether or not he deserves it. If not, Pisciotto recommends telling him about your ex and asking him about his. But be clear that you're talking about your old flame solely for the purpose of improving your current relationship. Your new guy doesn't want to hear about how your ex just got a promotion, what a great cook he was, or how amazing he was in bed.

Read more: Bad Habits - Sabotaging Relationship - Understanding Men - Marie Claire
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Why Akpabio, Mimiko, others claim Amaechi rigged Nigeria Governors Forum election

Mr. Amaechi won re-election as governors’ forum chairman.
More details have emerged as to why the Akwa Ibom State Governor, Godswill Akpabio; his Ondo State counterpart, Olusegun Mimiko, and some others claim the Nigeria Governors Forum election was rigged in favour of Governor Rotimi Amaechi of Rivers.
Shortly after the announcement of the result of the elections, which showed that Amaechi scored 19 votes, against 16 votes scored by his opponent and Governor of Plateau State, Jonah Jang; Mr. Akpabio addressed reporters rejecting the result, with the allegation that the election was rigged.
He claimed the ballot papers were not serialized and that Mr. Amaechi did not step down prior to the election.
In documents circulated by the Akwa Ibom governor, PREMIUM TIMES learnt that prior to the election, Mr. Akpabio and 18 other governors in attendance at a meeting of the Peoples Democratic Party governors had taken a resolution proclaiming their support for Mr. Jang as the new Chairman of the Forum. Curiously, the document was also signed by at least two opposition governors, Ibrahim Gaidam of Yobe (All Nigeria Peoples Party); and Olusegun Mimiko of Ondo State (Labour Party). Mr. Akpabio claimed it was inconceivable that after voting, the outcome would be in favour of Amaechi.
In the resolution of the 19 governors that Mr. Akpabio also presented before the NGF meeting, they stated that: “We the undersigned Governors of the Nigerian Governors’ Forum having taken cognizance of the state of the nation and the perception of the Nigerian people, do herby resolve as follows:
1. That we thank the out-going Chairman, His Excellency, Chief Rotimi Amaechi, Governor of Rivers State for his leadership and achievement.
2. That we strongly agree for a change of leadership of the Forum from May 2013 to May 2015.
3. We hereby, therefore elect His Excellency Jonah Jang of Plateau State as the new Chairman of the Forum.”
The signatories included Godswill Akpabio (Akwa Ibom); Ibrahim Dankwambo (Gombe); Serike Dickson (Bayelsa); Garba Umar (Taraba); Gabriel Suawan (Benue); Peter Obi (Anambra); Idris Wada (Kogi); Olusegun Mimiko (Ondo); Jonah Jang (Plateau); Mukhtar Yero (Kaduna); Sullivan Chime (Enugu); Martin Elechi (Ebonyi); Isa Yuguda (Bauchi); Emmanuel Uduaghan (Delta); T. A. Orji (Abia); Ibrahim Shema (Katsina); Ibrahim Gaidam (Yobe); Liyel Imoke (Cross River) and Abdul Ahmed (Kwara).
Mr. Amaechi insisted that despite the majority signatories (19 out of Nigeria’s 36 governors), the elections should still proceed; apparently knowing that not all the 19 would vote for Mr. Jang.
In his post-election speech, Mr. Amaechi thanked the governors for upholding democracy, reassuring the people of the commitment of the Forum under his leadership to support President Goodluck Jonathan “realize the development dream of all Nigerians by reducing tension, uncertainty and insecurity in our beloved country.”
“Today our democracy was tested and proven,” Amaechi said. “Democracy is about participation. The aim of democratic governance is for everyone to partake in winning. Today the governors have spoken with one voice reaffirming our faith in democratic governance as the hope of Nigeria’s future. I must thank my colleagues for their tenacity and determination to ensure the unity of the forum but more importantly of our nation.
“We remain committed to supporting our leader, the president and commander in chief of the armed forces of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, His Excellency, Dr. Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, to realize the development dream of all Nigerians by reducing tension, uncertainty and insecurity in our beloved country. We want to pledge our steadfastness and resolve working alongside Mr. President to better the lives of our people as we render transparent and accountable stewardship.
“Finally our thanks go to all those who have patiently endured these times especially our constituents and members of the fourth estate of the realm who have followed these elections with keen interest. We promise that we will not betray the confidence you have reposed in us.”

Understanding and managing relationship problems

Most of us want to find a partner to share our lives with. When we finally fall in love and commit to a relationship that we believe will last us to old age, we have expectations that we will act together to realise our dreams. Inevitably though, every couple will experience relationship difficulties.
Couples will always be confronted and sometimes overwhelmed by challenges they face, but mostly they are able to deal with them and move on.
However, sometimes these challenges leave each partner feeling alienated and alone and unable to sort out the issues, no matter how hard they try.
The same old arguments occur, with the same frustrating outcomes, and both partners can feel stuck. As time goes on one or both may start considering separation. Sadly, separation and divorce statistics are high, yet many of the difficulties that threaten the survival of relationships can be sorted out, with the right help.
This information may be a starting point for you.

What causes relationship problems?
Recognising when there are relationship problems
Seeking professional assistance
Ten tips for a happy relationship
Other resources for relationship problems

Neglect of the relationship
Research shows that the foundation of a happy relationship is friendship. Put simply, this means that you can enjoy each other’s company, share values, interests, friends and extended family, and believe you care, support, understand, and in every way are ‘there’ for each other and work together as a team.
This friendship needs to be nurtured, because if neglected it will inevitably deteriorate. This means couples need to be regularly spending time together doing things, talking about things that matter to each partner, and making plans for the future.
This seems obvious, but work pressures and other personal issues, the demands of parenting, and the general busyness of life mean that we too easily put off spending the necessary time together to stay connected.
As a result couples drift apart. This is often the case for high achievers, parents of teenagers, or ‘empty nesters’ who have neglected their relationship earlier on.

Conflict
Staying friends is more difficult when there is ongoing conflict which leaves you feeling angry, disappointed, frustrated or hurt. It is really important that this conflict is dealt with in a way that doesn’t drive your partner away or leave a build-up of resentment.
Conflicts often begin early in the relationship when those differences that we knew were there, and may have admired or managed in the early stages of our relationship, become challenging. Each thinks all would be well if only the other partner would change.
The blame game begins. Although change can happen, we are less likely to consider changing if we feel we are being misunderstood, misjudged or attacked for who we are, how we behave, or what we want or need.
Research shows that when one partner’s request for change in the other becomes criticism, the other partner is likely to become defensive. When the conflict grows over time, criticism can become contempt, and is likely to be met by the other partner blocking it out or ‘stonewalling’.
These behaviours can be deadly for the relationship. Therefore it is really important to find ways to manage the issues that are leading to conflict.
The distress that accompanies arguments leads to behaviour that often brings out the worst in us, and that is certainly not to our advantage when we are dealing with our partner for life. When we are worked up, we don’t think straight. We can say or do things that we later regret, and cause growing damage to the relationship. It is really important to calm down before tackling difficult situations.

Poor management of differences between partners
Differences between partners will always be there as we are all individuals with different values, priorities and ways of dealing with issues. Examples include attitudes to money, where we like to spend holidays, how much time we spend with extended families and friends, how much time we spend together or alone, how we show our love, how to discipline children, where we send our children to school, how we drive the car, how tidy to keep the house, how much effort goes into buying presents and the list goes on.
We of course tend to see that our way is the right way, and that means that our partner is wrong and should change. However it is more sensible to find a way to manage these differences rather than try to wipe them out.

Withdrawing care
We tend to become stubborn in our determination to have our way. We often try to let our partner know how wrong they are by telling them, and as that usually does not work, we then punish them by removing things from the relationship that we know our partner values - for example a man may stop discussing issues with his partner, or a woman may stop showing interest in sex. As talking and sex are two important ingredients for feeling close to our partners it is not surprising that both partners end up feeling lonely, despairing and misunderstood.

Loss of compassion
All of us like to feel that our thinking, feeling and behaviour is understood by the other, and not judged as being wrong. Understanding does not mean agreeing. Unfortunately if partners don’t seek to understand, good will can disappear. Until each feels the other is willing to understand them, they are unwilling to understand the other. Empathy and compassion for how the other is feeling is lost. Acts of care and love vanish. It is not surprising then that a partner may consider separation, or find value elsewhere - such as spending more time at work, on committees, with the children, on the internet, or with someone else. It is also not surprising that behaviours that result from a relationship under stress - including anxiety, depression, alcohol and drug use, eating disorders and gambling - can add to the difficulties.

Times of crisis
Understanding, compassion and friendship are particularly important when life sends along a crisis. Individuals act differently to issues such as a retrenchment from a job, death of a parent, infertility, miscarriage, a child’s disability, fire or drought, and these differences need to be understood.

AMAECHI MUST GO PROTEST IN PORT HARCOURT

Reports reaching our newsroom from Port HarCourt, the Rivers State capital said some ex militants are demonstrating right away.Some of those protesting include those known as Ateke boys,Asari boys and Sogboma Jackrich boys.
Eyewitnesses in Port Harcourt told Newsdiaryonline.com that the militants are chanting “Amaechi Must Go” among other slogans.
One source claimed that the ex militants’s protest may have been masterminding by a prominent politician in the state who wants Governor Rotimi Amaechi to go.

10 Dangers to Any Marriage

You walk down the street in a neighbouring suburb and you see your spouse hand-in-hand with someone else. So the story about the business trip to Durban wasn't true after all. You feel devastated – and foolish.

Can you ever completely affair-proof your marriage? Can you say with 100% certainty that neither you nor your spouse would ever have an affair?

"If you really think there is no chance of this, you may be deluding yourself," says Ilse Terblanche, Cape Town psychologist. "No marriage is ever completely affair-proof. People get married for different reasons, they can move apart, they can lose sexual interest in one another, they can feel weighed down by domestic drudgery – the list is endless."

"Sometimes it really isn't something that one of the partners has done or not done – it is quite possible that if someone is a serial philanderer, their behaviour might not have all that much to do with the spouse at all."

"And then it is also not a good idea to watch every move your spouse makes jealously. People do need a bit of private space. In fact, obsessive watchfulness could actually make your spouse feel uncomfortable enough to consider leaving of their own accord – whether there is someone else on the scene or not."

"People have to decide to make a commitment to each other and then they should be prepared to make an effort in order to make things work."

But there are certainly things that could put marriages at risk. But that doesn't mean to say that everyone will go ahead and get involved with someone else if given the chance.

Forced marriages. Often, when people get married very young, or they get married because of a pregnancy, the marriage can be quite vulnerable. The spouses' personalities, values and interests may not yet be fully formed, and five years down the line they may feel that their partner is not suitable for them. People change a lot between the ages of 19 and 25. Just take a look at how your circle of friends can change during this time. And it may be at this point that someone interesting comes along.

Working away from home. A short stint in another city certainly doesn't mean your marriage is over. But if you are spending six out of every seven months in Secunda and your wife is living in Stellenbosch, alarm bells should be ringing. And let's face it, phone calls and e-mails are just not the same as fact-to-face contact. It is inevitable that both spouses will have to socialise on their own – it is unreasonable to expect your spouse never to see anyone or go anywhere. And it is only human to have more than a passing interest in the sexy new guy in Marketing or the interesting new neighbour in the block of flats.

All work and no play. If you are doing hours and hours of overtime, it could be killing your marriage. If it's only for a week or two, it shouldn't be a problem, but if it stretches into months, your marriage could be heading for skid row. Spouses need to spend lots of time together – quality time is just as important as falling asleep in front of the TV together. If work is taking over your life, you have to ask yourself what it is that you are running away from. And no, except for short periods of time, it is not usually about the money. Better time management could also often result in less time spent working.

Domestic drudgery. Keeping a household going seems to be a never-ending task. Dishes, laundry, dusting, tidying, minding the kids, cooking – does it ever end? If one person is doing too much of it, it could spell problems for the marriage. These tasks need to be shared and done together. Who wouldn't rather go to the movies than do the ironing? Or pick up the kids' toys? If tasks are not shared, one person could quickly start feeling used, unappreciated, overworked and resentful. The scene is set for someone else, who does make your spouse feel appreciated, to make an entry. Or, if you are both working fulltime, consider getting in an extra pair of hands – even if it is once a week.

No together time. If you never have time to have fun (and sex) together, trouble is looming. For a relationship to grow, you need to do more than wash the dishes together or change nappies. You need to do things like go away for weekends (sometimes without the children), go to the movies, see friends together and sit down and have adult conversations. If these things are not happening, your relationship could be in static mode and the next time you see your spouse, he or she might be enjoying themselves – with someone else.

Lack of approval. Withholding approval is a very destructive thing to do in a marriage. Some people feel it puts them in a position of power, and makes the partner grovel and take the blame easily. This is not a long-term workable solution to problems. Neither is constant nagging. The worst display of this kind of behaviour is if the partner is constantly cut down and made to look stupid in front of others. It makes people feel supremely uncomfortable and could make your friends stop visiting you. If a spouse constantly feels as if they have to work harder and harder to gain that elusive approval, there comes a point where most people give up. And this often comes in the form of a new partner who is kind and accepts them as they are.

Opportunity for straying. This is a big one. Are you creating an opportunity for your spouse to get involved with someone else, by never being available when they need or want to see you? Did you refuse to go to the last three staff functions to which your spouse invited you? Are you quite happy if your spouse spends evening after evening doing things without you (This does not include the odd night out with the boys or girls)? You could be creating an opportunity for someone else to make a move on your partner. After all, you're not around anyway, so why not? Cultivate some joint interests and some joint friends. Make the effort.

No communication about sex. Talking about sex is difficult at the best of times. When you feel that there are problems that you would like to discuss, it makes things even more difficult. But communicating about sex and sexual needs is essential if you want to have a healthy marriage. It is also important to communicate new ideas, or thoughts about your changing sexual needs. There's no getting around this one. If you don't find a way to do it, your marriage could find its way onto the endangered list.

No shared interests. If you have no shared interests, cultivate some. Find something to talk about, other than the house and the children. You need to do something together on a regular basis outside the home – whether it is playing bridge, going to the gym, taking part in a pub quiz, a book club, joining an athletics club. Anything. As long as you are doing it together. If you share no interests, it doesn't take a genius to work out how easy it would be for a third person, who did share interests with your spouse, to wheedle their way into your marriage.

No 50/50 contribution. If one partner is slaving away to keep everything going, and the other one is glued to the TV on a more or less permanent basis, trouble is in the air. Contributions to the marriage need not be in kind – if one of the spouses brings in 75% of the money and the other does 75% of the housework, it does cancel out. But if one person does the lion's share of everything, it is only a matter of time before he or she starts feeling unappreciated. An ideal scenario for a third person to make an entrance on centre stage

Man bathes girlfriend with acid

23-year- old victim begs for financial assistance to go to India for treatment

IF anyone had told Blessing Ikhumhi that Okosun Cyril, the man she once loved, would turn around and bath her with acid, she would not have believed it.
Neighbours and friends used to see the duo as Shakespeare’s ‘Romeo and Juliet’.  But they were wrong.
Even Blessing once saw him as “the best thing that could ever happen to her,” because she never believed the words of William Shakespeare, which asserts that, “there are daggers in men’s smile.”
Their romance turned sour with tragic consequence for Blessing, a 23-year-old student of Edo State School of Health Technology. If she would ever regain her sight she would see all men as “monsters” because she has seen “hell” in the last three months as a patient at the University of Benin Teaching Hospital (UBTH), Benin City.
Doctors in the hospital believe she may never see again except she is flown to a specialist hospital in India, where her sight could be restored.
Blessing’s story is a sad one. Her ordeal began when she told his boyfriend, who is now in police custody in Benin, that she was no longer interested in what she described as “uninspiring relationship.”
The news did not go down well with him. He visited her house and asked for a talk.
The victim had gone outside to meet with the man whom she thought might have come to settle with her and probably, persuade her to continue in the relationship, but to Blessing’s shock, she was bathed with acid.
From that fateful day, she has seized to see and has been on admission at the UBTH.
“He was my boyfriend and we had arguments in February. He beat me to the extent that I was not able to go to school for three days. I told him I was no longer interested in the relationship. He later tried to forcibly take my telephone, but I refused to give it to him. I told him he was not the one who bought it for me.”
“On March 23, he called and asked me to meet him in front of our house. I refused initially, but he insisted, so I came out. He asked: “Do you mean you don’t want me again?” I said:  “No! I was no more interested in the relationship.  And immediately, he poured the acid on my face. Since that day, I have been on admission at the UBTH and the doctors say I might not see again except I am flown to India where my eyes could be restored. “
She noted that Cyril was the last person she expected to treat her so badly.
“I never knew he would have the heart to pour acid on me. I made a mistake. I have learnt the biggest lesson of my life. My prayer now is that God should touch kind-hearted Nigerians to come to my aide so that I would be able to get treatment abroad, since my parents cannot afford it.” Ikhumhi, a native of Fugar, Etsako Local Council of Edo State, has pleaded with public-spirited Nigerians to come to her aid.
Domestic violence has been on the increase nowadays as aggrieved lovers have been pouring acid on their estranged partners.
In March 2010, Oluwatoyin Safiu Morufu, from Oyo State, was reportedly bathed with acid by his wife of over 16 years, Uloma Beatrice, from Abia State.
In 2011, a suspect, Samson Igbinomewahin, 47, was arraigned at an Ebute Metta Chief Magistrate‘s Court, Lagos, for allegedly pouring acid on his wife, Mrs. Susan Jeremiah, 31.
Also, a 35-year-old man, Ndubisi Okoro in 2011 allegedly bathed his wife, Anthonia, with acid. He was arraigned before an Apapa Magistrate’s Court in Lagos, charged with attempted murder.
In November 10, 2012, a jilted man in Ikotun, an outskirt of Lagos, bathed his wife with acid. Men of Ikotun Police Division immediately arrested him. The list keeps rising everyday as acid bath has become a weapon of revenge.

2015: Nothing can stop Jonathan’s second term —Clark, Alamieyeseigha

LEADER of Ijaws and former Minister of Information, Chief Edwin Clark, in Lagos, on Monday, said President Goodluck Jonathan will continue in office for a second term in 2015.

Also, former governor of Bayelsa State, Chief Diepriye Alamieyeseigha, said there is no vacancy in Aso Rock in 2015, adding that northern agitators would, at the appropriate time, join the moving train to vote Jonathan for a second term in office.

Both Clark and Alamieyeseigha spoke with newsmen at the third conference of the Southern Nigeria Peoples Assembly, held at Eko Hotel and Suites.

Clark, who described the clamour by the North to have the slot in 2015 as improper, said Jonathan would not be laying any new precedent if he was returned to office for a second term.
According to Clark, the Nigerian constitution was clear on the number of terms every president could contest, arguing that Jonathan’s second term bid, in the opinion of the people of the South-South, was in the best interest of the country.

“Movement of power or power rotation is not proper at this time. In the constitution of Nigeria, every president has two elections to contest. Shagari did it in 1979 and in 1983, he did it again; in 1999, Obasanjo did it and in 2003, he contested again. In 2007, Umaru Yar’Adua of blessed memory did it and if he had remained alive, he would have done it again in 2011. So, Jonathan is not a different person. He’s a Nigerian and he has the right to contest again,” he further said.

Chief Clark said Nigeria belonged to all citizens, adding that there was no need for anybody to feel that he had more stake in the country than others.
“We are all equal in this country and anybody can aspire to the highest position in this country. So nobody has the prerogative to rule others,” he added.

Alamieyeseigha, while asserting that there was no vacancy in Aso Rock, gave an assurance that Jonathan would remain as the president in 2015, contrary to feelings in other quarters.
“They may have their opinion, but I can assure you that President Jonathan will remain as the president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, come 2015,” he said.

The former governor said the recent presidential pardon granted him by President Jonathan was a negotiated deal, saying that it was in order. 
According to him, the negotiation commenced since the era of the late President Yar’Adua, adding that he had fulfilled his own part, while the government later fulfilled its part.

Woman Escapes Rape By Madman In Asaba

A mild drama orchestrated by a middle-aged man believed to have been demented unfolded yesterday in Asaba, Delta State at the popular Ogbeogonogo market when he allegedly attacked a woman selling palm oil and attempted to rape her but was stopped by local security officials.

Eyewitness said the mad man emerged from nowhere and entered the market where he met the palm oil trader(name withheld) attending to a customer and allegedly grabbed her from behind trying to remove her wrappers when the local security officials descended on him, beating him to stupor.

LEADERSHIP learnt that the mad man’s attempt to rape the housewife attracted hundreds of traders who rushed to the scene to catch a glimpse of him but met him severely beaten with injuries all over his body. One of the local security officials, Stanley Mokogwe, confirmed that the mad man was taken to the “A” Division Police station where it was established that he was mad.

 At the “A” Division, some of the police officers who did not want their names in print confirmed that upon close examination it was discovered that the man was mad and was later released.

NATIONAL COUNCIL ON ESTABLISHMENTS' TECHNICAL COMMITTEE ON NATIONAL HOUSING FUND SCHEME MEETS IN UYO