Friday, 31 May 2013

Boko Haram paid us N5,000 each to burn schools – Kid suspects

Some kid suspects released by military authorities in Maiduguri on Friday said the Boko Haram sect paid them N5,000 each to burn primary schools and spy on soldiers.
They were among 23 women and 35 children released to the governors of Borno and Yobe states by the Commander, 21 Armoured Brigade, Maiduguri, Brig-Gen. R.O Bamigboye, on behalf of the Chief of Defence Staff, Admiral Sa’ad Ibrahim.
The children, whose ages range between nine and 15 years, said they were given kegs of petrol by Boko Haram leaders and sent to burn schools in both states.
Borno State Governor, Kashim Shettima, government officials and journalists listened in bewilderment as the children narrated how they were used by the extremist sect to burn schools and spy on soldiers.
One of them said they were taken to the Yobe State capital, Damaturu, and told to spy on soldiers attached to the Joint Task Force and report back to the Boko Haram commanders.
He said, “We were taken to Damaturu. We watched out for the soldiers at their unit and reported back to them. We were reporting either when soldiers were at ease or enjoying themselves and when they were off guard and we were paid for doing that.”
Another child suspect said, “I usually helped Boko Haram to leak information on military activities so that they could attack them (soldiers). My last job was to travel from Maiduguri to Gashua to spy on soldiers before I was caught.”
Yet another said, “We usually help Boko Haram to carry stolen items each time and sometimes help them to give information about people they want to attack and sometimes even help to hide their guns after attacks. They pay us N5000 after every operation. I regret what I did, I want to go home and ask for forgiveness from my father and mother for what I did; I also want to go to school.”
One of the boys said he was arrested last year after he was overheard talking about the people who burnt a school in Maiduguri and failed to inform the military.
“I was arrested because I know those who burnt the school without telling the soldiers. Some people heard me discussing about the people who burnt the school and reported me to the soldiers who arrested me,” he said.
One of the teenagers said they were paid N5,000 and provided with fuel in kegs to set schools ablaze in Maiduguri.
The release of the suspects was done in line with the Federal Government’s amnesty deal.
In Borno State, 20 detainees, comprising six women and 14 children arrested between 2012 and 2013 were set free and handed over to Shettima for rehabilitation and reintegration.
The 20 detainees were mostly arrested in Maiduguri, Bama in Borno and Damaturu in Yobe State.
Bamigboye, who supervised the handing over, said he was acting on behalf of the Chief of Defence Staff, Admiral Sa’ad Ibrahim.
This, he said, was in line with the directive of President Goodluck Jonathan to the army.
He explained that the detainees were arrested in connection with the roles they played in the insurgency.
The six freed women were Hajia Zainab Mohammed, 40; Hajia Karagama Mohammed, 55; Hajia Zari Mohammed, 40; Aishatu Mohammed Aji, 62; Hadiza Ahmad, 40; and Yakaka Goni Habib, 16.
The 14 children released were Abba Modu Aji,10; Mohammed Musa, 12; Ibrahim Mohammed, 15; Umar Bukar, 15; Mustapha Umaru, 14; Bashir Ali, 12; Musa Grema, 13; Abba Mohammed, 14; Baba Alhaji, 13; AbdulAziz Umar, 14; Ari Masa’a, 14; Bayi Mustapha, 14; Mohammed Ibrahim, 14 and Alhaji Goni, 14.

Thursday, 30 May 2013

Impeachment: Eight pro-Amaechi lawmakers defect to Wike’s camp


CLANDESTINE moves to impeach Rivers State Governor, Mr. Rotimi Amaechi, heightened on Wednesday as eight members of the House of Assembly were said to have shifted loyalty to the camp of the Minister of State for Education, Mr. Nyesom Wike.
Though the names of the lawmakers were not mentioned, the number of anti-Amaechi state legislators has suddenly swollen to 13 out of 32.
Five members of the House had, from the outset, taken a position against the governor since the beginning of the crisis which is threatening the existence of the Peoples Democratic Party in the state.
But the Speaker of the House, Mr. Otelemaba Amachree, said the number of members of the House, who had been swayed against the governor, was not enough to impeach the governor.
Amachree, who spoke with The PUNCH through his Media Assistant, Mr. Jim Okpiki, stated that with 19 lawmakers on the side of the governor, it would be difficult to remove (Amaechi).
He said, “We are aware that between five and eight lawmakers have compromised and are making moves to impeach the governor. But they don’t have enough number to impeach the state governor.
“They have to impeach the Speaker first before thinking of removing the governor because he (Speaker) will not betray the governor. Mr. Speaker is never a traitor and he (Amachree) has not seen any reason why he should give up on Amaechi.
“Apart from that, the lawmakers that have compromised would have to tell the world the governor’s offence, because as far as we are concerned, Governor Amaechi has not committed any impeachable offence.”
The Speaker challenged the compromised lawmakers to come out in the open and explain to Rivers people why they had decided to betray the governor.
It was, however, learnt that the eight lawmakers, who were swayed to Wike’s camp during a meeting held outside the state, decided to hide their intention in order not to jeopardise the plan to unseat the governor.
Amaechi had, during an interaction with some youths in the state, declared that he was not afraid of being impeached, saying he had done his best for the development of the state.
He urged the people to use their voter cards to remove “irresponsible governments” from public office in 2015.
It will be recalled that the House of Assembly had adjourned sine die (indefinitely) after suspending the Chairman of Obio/Akpor Local Government Area, Mr. Timothy Nsirim, even as a caretaker committee was sworn in to oversee the affairs of the council.
The development had deepened the political crisis in the state, with security operatives from the state Police Command sealing off the council secretariat about a month ago.

Obasanjo Endorses Lamido for 2015


Apparently referring to the current  high-wire politics and horse-trading ahead of 2015, former president Olusegun Obasanjo has declared that Jigawa State governor  Sule Lamido has  exhibited good governance abilities, and has the capacity  and competence to rule Nigeria.
The ex-president also described Jigawa as one of the most investor-friendly states in the country.
Obasanjo made the remarks in Dutse, the Jigawa State capital, yesterday while delivering his keynote address at the opening ceremony of a three-day Jigawa State Economic Summit.
He said, “You know you can help somebody to get a job but you cannot help him to do it.  If somebody cannot do the job, we have Sule Lamido who is competent to do the job.
“Some people are saying one person can’t make changes. This is rubbish; if you have a competent person who knows where he is going to, he can make changes along with his team that would impact the lives of people as we have seen it in Jigawa State.”
According to Obasanjo, good governance is key for any practical and factual economic development plan because “the government is not expected to invest directly but to provide enabling environment for private investors to implement the plan”.
“The way Governor Lamido revitalised the Jigawa state education sector, made adequate provision of good roads network, infrastructures, social security, free trade  has now made the state be a haven for investors, and, to the best of my knowledge, today there is no state
in Nigeria which investors’ confidence on can be greater than Jigawa State,” said Obasanjo who ruled the country from 1999 to 2007. “I am optimistic that this summit would help in mapping out a long-term economic plan that could lead to the successful economic development which can be translated into increase of employment, wealth creation, poverty reduction and improve the well-being of the people of the state and Nigeria.”
Obasanjo added that there is need to change Nigeria from the land of opportunity to the land of actuality by giving emphasis to education, infrastructure, social security and human development.
The former president however revealed that  he was the one that imposed Governor Lamido on the people of Jigawa State and that he was happy that he did not disappoint him.
In his welcome address, Governor Lamido said they organised the summit with a view to opening the state’s window to the whole world to come and invest in Jigawa State.
He said his government was ever ready to give all necessary support and cooperation to any investor who wanted to invest in Jigawa State, and the state is also ready to work with any collaborator who wants assist Jigawa to attain better life.
According to the governor, the aim of organising the summit was to chart a plan for developing Jigawa State economically to tally with that of Asian Tigers like Japan and Singapore, not in terms of big buildings but for the state’s people to attain standard human life.
Some of the prominent personalities at the economic summit included  business mogul Alhaji Aliko Dangote, Alhaji Salisu Sambajo, Mr Mohammed Abacha, former minister of commerce  Senator Bello Maitama Yusif, former minister of power and mineral resources Alhaji Bashir Dalhatu, former minister of Federal Capital Territory Aliyu Modibbo,  and Emir of Hadejia  Adamu Abubakar Maje.
Other personalities included former minister of commerce Mustapha Bello,  Emir of Ringim Sayyadi Mahmu, Emir of Kazaura  Alhaji Najib Adamu, governor of Zandara in Niger Republic, British high commissioner to Nigeria  Mr Andrew Poka, Akyem of Wembley and Duke of Edinburg Mr Lord Boateng  who chaired the summit.

Obasanjo holds closed-door meeting with Kwankwaso
In a related development,  Obasanjo yesterday held a close door meeting with Kano State Governor Rabiu Kwankwaso at the Government House in Kano. The former president arrived at the Government House at about 4pm in a black SUV vehicle belonging to Jigawa State governor.
He was received by the PDP supporters who gatherd at the Government House to witness the second year anniversary of the Kwankwaso administration. Obasanjo alongside Kw

Sunday, 26 May 2013

Bus Preacher Beaten To Coma In Lagos After Condoms Fell Out From Bible

Mayhem broke out at Toyota Bus stop, in front of the popular Ladipo Spare parts market, this morning, when a Bus Preacher was dragged out of a bus and beaten to a coma after Condoms allegedly fell out of his bible as he preached the ‘Word of God’.The Pastor had embarked on his journey at Apapa and proceeded to preach to the people on thebus, using very strong words like “If you wear trouser you’ll go to hell! The Devil invented Make up! Weave on is from Marine Kingdom! If you have pre-marital s*x you will burn in hell and your skin will peel!”

The people in the bus were so moved; some started falling under the anointing. Our eye witness, Mr. John Mbakogu, who was on his way to his shop at Ladipo told us:
“People were just falling as he was layinghands. One man even fell out of the bus under the influence of the Spirit. It was amazing – until he raised his hands to cast demons out of one girl, and 2 Durex condoms fell out”
The angry men on the bus who had been having pangs of guilt due to the pastor’s preaching about s*x suddenly got really angry and pounced on the pastor, who allof a sudden started shouting “I also preach safe s*x! Safe s*x is good!”
Too late.
Policemen had to be called to the scene to save the pastors life. So far 2 arrests have been made, and the Condoms have been kept as evidence

Saturday, 25 May 2013

AKWA IBOM 2015: ONE AGAINST THE CROWD -culled from The SUN


Our investigation reveals that Senator Effiong Bob, from the same local government area as the SSG, may soon join the race for AKWA IBOM 2015. Bob is believed to have been stopped from returning to the Senate for the third time in 2011 because of the “activities of the SSG”. Another possible candidate from Uyo Senatorial District, we learnt, is the Commissioner of Finance, Bassey Albert Akpan.
Said to be a nominee of Umanah into Akpabio’s cabinet, Akpan has of recent, been having a running battle with Umanah over the race. Akpan is said to be well grounded among the youths through the patronage and empowerment he has been doling out to them as Chairman of the State Inter-ministerial Direct Labour Co-ordinating Committee.
Though he hasn’t yet declared his intention in the race, sources say he may eventually do. If he doesn’t, the same sources say, he will ‘put all his machinery-material and financial- on an Eket Candidate and become the Deputy or SSG thereafter, if they succeed.’ Nobody from Ikot Ekpene Senatorial District is in the race at the moment. Sources say the project to install the SSG as Governor is getting desperate. Opposition to the scheme is said to have divided the State Executive Council into two camps.
Opposition EXCO members, are said to have been tactically grounded in the performance of their duties. Sources say moves by the SSG to remove some opposition Exco members through a cabinet reshuffle have been consistently rebuffed by the Governor. Source further add that the reshuffle has become a subject of town gossip and that when an Exco meeting is called, people always expect the outcome to be its dissolution. Many believe that if the Exco is dissolved, only loyalists of the SSG will be returned.
The resignation, last year, of the former Deputy Governor, Nsima Ekere, was seen by many as a warning to those who want to contest the Governorship to be wary. Ekere is said to have built political structures and openly declared intent to contest the elections. Marked for impeachment, Ekere narrowly escaped by resigning and many believe, he will still join the race later.
Those in the race from Eket Senatorial District are: Senator Helen Esuene: the urbane former first lady of the defunct South Eastern State (present Akwa Ibom and Cross River State) and former Minister in Obasanjos’ administration is said to have consulted people over her ambition. Many believe that gender and her upper class distinction may stand in her way to clinching the ticket.
She is however, loved for her humility, straight forwardness and business acumen. She is also said to be from Uyo by birth but married to an Eket man, the late Brigadier General U.J. Esuene. Dr. Sam Udonsak: The Port Harcourt based University of Ibadan graduate of Medicine is a veteran governorship aspirant having contested in the 2003, 2007 and 2011 race.
Though a fine gentleman, many feel he is disconnected from the people and too elitist for a position that needs political maneuvering and negotiations with grassroot political leaders. Patrick Ekpotu: Though he hasn’t declared his intent in the race and ‘may not’, according to close sources, he is under extreme pressure to join the race. The Engineer, first term Deputy Governor to Governor Akpabio, is well loved as a principled, highly cerebral, focused and humane leader.
His undoing may be the fact that he is not a politician but what people call a political activist, having come from student activism background. The first non-indigenous Student Union President of the Rivers State University of Science and Technology and a former Commissioner, will, however change the tide of the race if he eventually declares.
Okpolupm Ette: At 43, the youngest of the contestants from Eket Senatorial District, the graduate of the Federal Polytechnic, Oko is the longest serving member and leader of the State House of Assembly. From the popular Etteh family of Ibeno, the base of Mobil Producing Nigeria, Etteh whose elder siblings include Nigeria’s first Professor of Physics, Prof. Akpanuluo Etteh; E. I. I.
Etteh of foremost Civil Engineering Consultancy, Etteh Aro and Partners, believed to be the ex-husband of former House of Representative Speaker Patricia Etteh and Esoetuk Etteh, former Executive Director, Projects of the Niger Delta Development Commission, NDDC, is believed to be the rallying point of the younger generation and grassroot politicians in the race.
Many believe the former FedPoly, Oko National Association of Akwa Ibom State Students (NAAKISS) President, is the only grassroot contestant among the Eket possibles. Said to be very outspoken, principled and straight forward, the grassroot mobilizer, once an Akpabio ally is said to be a bit distanced from the Governor at the moment because of his interest in the race and his perceived role in stopping the impeachment of former Deputy Governor Nsima Ekere.
Asuquo Okpo: By far the most visible of the contestants from Oron, Okpo is not well known within the State. Other than the fact that he is from Oron, not much is known about the aspirant as a party man or public figure. The anchoring of his aspiration on the ‘tripod’ theory of zoning the Governorship to the Orons may work against rather than sway sympathy for him. Nsima Ekere: Ekere, who resigned from office as Deputy Governor last year to avert impeachment, is said to be oiling his ‘gun’ for the race.
A former close ally of the Governor as Chairman of the State Investment Commission and Ibom Power Company before being appointed Deputy Governor, the Estate Surveyor, went out of favour with the Governor over what many believe was his declaration to contest the Governorship race. Ekere, with a huge financial war chest, may be another rallying point for Eket people if he finally joins the race.
Senator Udoma Udo Udoma: The two-time Senator and renown Lawyer is said to be well-connected at the Presidency and may eventually join the race. What may eventually work against him is his seeming disconnection from the people. Many believe he is too elitist and ‘foreign’ for the politics of a complex state like Akwa Ibom.
Son of the late renowned jurist and one of the founders of the state, Justice Egbert Udo Udoma, Udoma is known to have printed materials for the 2007 Election but bowed out in deference to the zoning policy of the party at that time. Effiong Abia: Current Commissioner for Local Government is said to be a close ally of the Governor and once declared interest in the race.
Sources say the lawyer stopped campaigning for the office of Governor to save his job. Cool, humble and simple, Abia’s undoing may be his commitment to the alleged plan of the Governor to support Umanah and then pick the Deputy Governorship if it sails through.
Prof. Richard King: said to be a close ally of President Jonathan. King serves on a presidential committee on the NDDC. From Eket, King is said to be using his closeness to the President as a campaign tool, a tool many believe, may not work for him in a State like Akwa Ibom. Senator Eme Okon Ekaette, Chief Assam Assam, SAN, Nigeria’s Ambassador to Russia and Prof Ita Ewa Minister for Science and Technology are said to have also declare interest in the race.

Can A Fling Become the Real Thing? -Marie Claire



On the eve of my 35th birthday, I decided it was time to take a proper, adult vacation. Alone. I'd traveled abroad with friends in the past, but I'd always deferred to their itineraries and skimped when it came to fancy four-star resorts and indulgent spa treatments. I wanted to get away by myself and in style. So I cashed in several thousand frequent-flier miles, used some savings, and booked a two-week trip to Greece.
During the weeks leading up to my departure, I read travel websites and dog-eared guidebooks. I planned to fill my mornings with empowering activities, like sunrise meditation and poolside Pilates, and reserve my evenings for good books and plates of tahini. I was eager to escape, to splurge, to follow my own agenda. And for the first 48 hours in Greece, I honored my plan.
Then I met Alex.
Alex was an impossibly handsome Serbian man, hired by my hotel in Santorini to teach me how to operate a scooter I'd rented. Before he handed over the keys, he asked if I wanted to meet him that evening for a drink. Immediately after I said yes, I went back to my suite and sent an e-mail to my friends with the subject line: "Guess who has a date!"
"I know I said I needed some time alone, but forget that," I wrote. "He's hot, and I'm bored! So I'm either going to have an amazing night or end up on the next episode of Dateline: Missing Abroad. I'm willing to risk it."
I didn't actually believe my date with Alex would result in the filing of a missing-persons report, but I was somewhat nervous about having a foreign fling. Fooling around with a mysterious man in an exotic location sounded as intimidating as speaking Greek. Yet compared with the "kid- and senior-friendly" sunset hike I'd scheduled, meeting Alex for a drink was no contest.
That night, Alex and I stayed out until 4 a.m., sipping gin and tonics on the roof of a crumbling building overlooking the Mediterranean. We met for dinner the following evening. And the evening after that. On the fourth night, I invited him to stay with me, and the next morning I threw my guidebooks in the trash, promptly canceling all of my solo activities.
We spent the rest of my vacation together, sunbathing and sightseeing, drinking and dancing, aimlessly strolling for hours, holding hands and taking pictures of each other on the sun-bleached streets. Some days we went on adventures — him maneuvering our scooter along the rocky cliffs, me resting my chin on one of his tanned shoulders and looking out at the ocean. We talked. We made out. And then we talked some more. I shared emotional details about my childhood in Pittsburgh and my life in New York. He bought me silly souvenirs, rolled my cigarettes, and taught me how to swear in Serbian. One night, over a plate of grilled octopus, he confided that he was legally married to an American woman but officially separated from his wife of eight years. It was a surprising fact but one that, given our connection, made me more sympathetic than suspicious. "We grew apart," he said. "I've been ready to meet someone else for a while now." The way he spoke, it was clear that someone was me.
On my last day in Greece, Alex and I tearfully promised to keep in touch and clung to each other until the captain of my boat threatened to leave. Saying good-bye was sad — but it was strangely satisfying to participate in such a dramatic "nothing can keep us apart" sort of scene. Our casual affair had started to resemble the plot of a Hollywood romance — one where Alex and I were the stars and my departure was the start of Act 3: the turning point where the lovers face an obstacle (another time zone, an ex-wife) and the audience (my friends, family, and me to some extent) wonders if it will all work out.
Two weeks later, Alex announced he was purchasing an open-ended ticket to New York. He'd said how much he missed me, but the suggestion that he essentially move in with me was a bombshell. I began reciting reasons (visa complications with his green card, the fact that he didn't know my middle name) why an indefinite stay didn't seem wise. Couples rarely shift from sipping on cocktails in the afternoon to exploring the complexities of sharing a bathroom or splitting the cable bill. Yet I wasn't ready to restrict our relationship to my photo album. Our romance had been so unexpected; maybe we'd have luck in the real world. After much discussion, I agreed to the plan.
We had a passionate reunion for a week, but soon — without alcohol and sunshine — the initial thrill began to fade. Once we were confined to my small apartment, navigating the thorns of daily life, our relationship became prematurely serious and painfully pedestrian. Alex sat on my couch each day and waited for me to finish working on my writing assignments. I felt trapped in the role of tour guide and organizer. I didn't mind finding hairs on my soap or men's underwear in my hamper, but we avoided discussing his scant finances and marriage.
Within a month, I'd gone from having an unforeseen fling to living with a virtual stranger. Oddly, it reminded me of the vacations my family used to take — how at the beach I'd pay to have my hair braided Bo Derek — style. It was a look I could pull off on the sand, but once back home, waiting for my school bus in the snowy Pittsburgh winter, the braids looked absurd. I was starting to suspect that bringing Alex home was the starry-eyed equivalent of wearing cornrows in January.
I was feeling antsy one morning, listening to Bob Dylan's "Don't Think Twice, It's All Right," debating how to resolve the sudden shift in our relationship, when clarity arrived in an unexpected form. Over the sound of my coffeemaker, I overheard Alex's video Skype call with his ex-wife.
"Where are you right now?" she demanded, soon hitting him with another question. "You're living with a woman!" He didn't respond, but she continued. "You can't be alone at all, can you?"
He was silent as she accused him of abandoning her and escaping his responsibilities. The picture she painted was of a confused, cowardly man who always took the easy way out.
"Sorry you heard that," he said when he found me wide-eyed on the couch.
"Me, too," I said, avoiding eye contact. "Because I agree with her."
I'd wanted to believe that Alex had truly fallen for me. But that day, I couldn't deny the truth: We'd gotten together because I'd hated being alone in Greece; we'd stayed together because he couldn't be alone in life.
We sat in painful silence for a few minutes. Then, finally, he said, "Maybe I should go." I nodded yes. I was crying and hugging him — the same as when we'd parted ways just weeks before — only this time, he was the one leaving, and it was a little bit easier to say good-bye.

5 Ways You Are Sabotaging Your Relationship


1. BODY INSECURITIES

You know you have this problem if...

You cringe and cover up when your partner sees you naked.
Compliments make you nervous and defensive.
Thinking about his positive attributes makes you wonder what he's doing with you.

Why is it a problem?
When we are ashamed of our bodies, we "withdraw sexually" and have trouble "being playful and free," says relationship expert Dr. Alice Pisciotto. Many people resort to substances to deal with their insecurities (for example, drinking in order to have sex), which can ruin a sense of closeness.

How to fix it:
The first step is awareness: realizing, for example, that when he says, "you look beautiful in that dress" and you hear, "go to the gym," it's not because he's being sarcastic, but because you feel ashamed of your body. The second step is to learn to talk about it in an open, honest way. Explain your insecurities to him, why you think you have them, and how they make you feel. Then, pledge to yourself to throw the symptoms of insecurity out the window. Once you stop calling yourself fat, for example, you may stop feeling so fat.

2. BAD TIMING

You know you have this problem if...
You bring up sore points — issues you argue about often or recently — at romantic dinners, family functions, or company events. Or, worse yet, you bombard him with accusations the second you're alone.

Why is it a problem?
"This really drives guys crazy," says Pisciotto. Everyone knows that communication is important to a good relationship, but knowing when and where to communicate can be just as important. Bringing up a problem at an inappropriate time or place will almost never solve it, and will become a problem in its own right. And he'll be reluctant to bring you along to his cousin's wedding if he's worried you'll be shooting him dirty looks all night.

How to fix it:
If you want to talk about a problem, give some forewarning, says Pisciotto. "X is really bothering me. Can we talk about it tonight?" Have a safe, private place where you can talk without feeling uncomfortable. And if you really want to resolve the issues, make sure you are talking in person and never by text message or e-mail.

3. SNAPPING

You know you have this problem if...

Your partner complains you're always blowing up at him — whether he forgot to pick up the dry-cleaning or threw out the manuscript for the novel you've secretly been working on.

Why is it a problem?
You may be using these explosions as a substitute for intimacy, says Pisciotto. "If you say, 'I love you,' who knows how he's going to react?" You may get a grunt, you may get a kiss, you may get some bad news. "But if you scream at him, you know he's going to scream back." Excessive anger may be a sign that you're insecure about his feelings for you. Snapping at him allows you to control his behavior because his response — anger — is predictable. But if he feels like he's always about to step on a land mine, you may be doing the very opposite: driving him away.

How to fix it:
"This is really an issue of self-awareness," says Pisciotto. The next time you feel mad at him, ask yourself if your anger is proportionate to the offense. If not, think about why you feel so furious: Are you mad about something else that you haven't talked about sufficiently? Does his anger reassure you of his feelings (i.e., "if he's screaming at the top of his lungs, he must be passionate about me")? Are you insecure about his feelings because of something he has done, or because of something unrelated that happened to you in the past? Instead of blowing up at him, try to calmly and insightfully tell him why you are feeling so enraged. Use "I" sentences instead of "you" sentences: "I felt angry when you didn't call, because it made me feel like you don't care about me," rather than, "You didn't call me! You don't care about me!"

4. KEEPING SCORE

You know you have this problem if...

You're keeping a tally of the gives and the takes.
You say things like, "Yes, we hung out with my friends tonight but I hung out with his friends for the last five days."

Why is it a problem?
"Keeping score is usually a sign you don't feel understood, that you don't feel heard," explains Pisciotto. You feel that your partner doesn't realize or appreciate the contributions and sacrifices you make for the relationship. "This becomes the 'yes, but' of the relationship," says Dr. Pisciotto. "Yes, you took me out to dinner tonight, but I paid the last six nights. Yes, you initiated sex tonight, but I always initiate. Yes, you care about me, but I care about you more."

How to fix it:
When you catch yourself thinking or saying, "Yes, but..." step back and ask yourself why. Is this an isolated incident: Are you really the one who always does the dishes, and you just want him to help out more with household chores? Or is it part of a bigger problem: Do you feel like you always make more sacrifices for the relationship, and the dishes are just one example of many? Keeping score provides you with ammo to win the argument "Who's the better partner." It's childish behavior that you should do your best to minimize. Be hypervigilant when your thoughts slip into the "Yes, but..." pattern. Remind yourself that although you may give more in this particular area — you always pay for dinner out — he may give more in another, like always buying the groceries.

5. LETTING THE PAST DICTATE THE PRESENT

You know you have this problem if...

You blame your current boyfriend for problems you had in your last relationship: Your ex had an affair with his personal trainer, so you tell your new boyfriend you like the "chubby look" to keep him out of the gym.

Why is it a problem?
It's a basic truth of psychology that "we often repeat problems in order to solve them," says Pisciotto. For example, when you're suspicious that your new boyfriend is going to cheat on you, like your ex did, your subconscious is trying to come to terms with the old problem. The effect will hardly be productive: You're likely to create some new relationship issues with your current boyfriend without solving the issues from your past.

How to fix it:
Take a moment to ask yourself: Are there any issues or arguments you had with a former boyfriend that still bother you? If so, write them down and be on the lookout. The next time you're angry with your current boyfriend for something similar, ask yourself whether or not he deserves it. If not, Pisciotto recommends telling him about your ex and asking him about his. But be clear that you're talking about your old flame solely for the purpose of improving your current relationship. Your new guy doesn't want to hear about how your ex just got a promotion, what a great cook he was, or how amazing he was in bed.